Under a Gaze

I have never let go of our friendship

Even when it felt so absent to me

We are attached in ways

that cannot be easily explained

I have nothing to offer

Beyond laughter, a little bawdiness

Serious conversations and a tender

Glass of wine with sip and hands cluttered

With details of travel, of speaking engagements

Of lost and lasting loves

We know the little things about each other

People say we’re loyal to a fault

Pawing at each other like little kittens

Clawing at balls of yarn and

Playing with our food

I need a belly rub sometimes

But these are just some of the details

That have nothing to do with the substance

Of the end of connections, the beginnings

Of new adventures

The combination of relief-grief-disbelief

No one signs on for things to end

Things just end sometimes

maybe the move into midlife chaos

Is as good a time as any to

Clean the corners of our lives,

To start from another place

We never really start over, do we?

I am at the end of this leg of the journey

And everything is under a gaze of whether 
I will I keep It, put it in a box to pull out and reminisce,

Throw it away—too small, too old, too useless

Everything is up for questioning

© Valerie Bridgeman

January 19, 2013