I Wonder

I wonder already
whether I will be true
to me or whether I'll give myself
away in bits and pieces, auctioned off
to the lowest bidder, daring anyone
to treat me with the kind of respect
that says, "You really shouldn't take me for granted."

I've gotten use to the nickel-and-dime
of it all, the way I let people
sell me short or write me off
or any other cliché that makes
no sense of living

But time is moving me closer
to wander a new field, another space
To wonder how my soul
ever settled, why you ever had
a say in what I would become in the first place
Why I moved aside while you pushed
your way into my life
and set up shop in my thinking
making me sing
off key and the wrong song at that
I wonder how that happened
and what I'm going to do
to get you out?

©  Valerie Bridgeman
January 2, 2013

(Edited to complete "first person" on January 29, 2013)

NOTE: none of these first postings are edited. I am free writing to make myself write. That's all. One day, I'll come back and edit (maybe).