Taking Back My Yesterdays

One of the best ways to remember you're a poet and to provoke the muse within, is to read those initial pieces that made other people say, "hey! You're a POET!!!" This piece is one of those for me and 15 years later, I feel provoked. These thoughts were provoked by Jaha Zainabu, one of my FAVORITE poets.

Taking Back My Yesterdays

I am no longer innocent

But I am not guilty of the wrong

You’ve done to me

The sacred shadows of yesterday

Rise like specters of injustice

Like Banshee, they sound an alarm

Meant to cower me,

But I will not.

Cower as others may,

I am not captive to your forever-sins,

Nor victim of your momentary whims

I am colorizing my memories,

Sanctifying them for my future.

Stubbornness has taken hold of me

And I am staring down the sorrow,

Factoring in the pain,

And becoming Today and Tomorrow Strong.

The non-memories I have blocked,

I am filling with faith in a God

Who moves forward and leads

I want to take my medicine bag—

Those healing stones

That helped me survive your cruelty

I will need them

In the not-too-far successes

I will encounter

You may not keep them.

And my tears are reserved

In a heavenly bottle numbered by Wisdom.

They belong to me again,

And are on account

Testifying against you.

You may no longer name yourself

My judge or my destiny.

All you stole, I now reclaim with force.

The violence you used against me—

That whirlwind that wrecked my life—

Well, I’ve learned to harness winds and thunder.

The violence, I have turned to my own power.

And yes, I am here to take everything you kept:

Pieces of my soul,

Parts of my heart,

And my destiny.

The future is ahead, and I need them.

I am taking back my yesterdays

© Valerie J. Bridgeman [Davis]

1997
Written at the request of my friend Linda H. Hollies, who used it as the title of her book
Taking Back My Yesterdays