SELFIES

I've never taken a selfie
and given how much I
hate my own face, I never
will. If I could have a 
Christmas gift, it would
be this one: the ability
to love myself, my face,
the gut that refuses to
leave, the crazy brain
that won't rest some days,
the fat, short fingers. My
big toe on my right foot
that always hurts. The
arms that are as stubby
as my fingers. I want to
love all of me. I want to
believe that I'm glorious
the way some people
claim. I want to believe
them. I want to love
me. Not more. Once.
I want to love me for once.
That is the Christmas gift
I long for. Please, God.
If you still answer prayers--
if you ever have, please
God. Answer this one 
prayer. Give me the capacity
to love me. And help me do
it with abandon. Help me
love this external me, and
the innards that accompany
it. Body of body. Flesh of
flesh. Help me prize it all.
I need an internal selfie
that will make me believe.

© Valerie Bridgeman
December 24, 2013