DEAR JAHA/WRITING WITH YOU

Dear Jaha,

It's December 4 and we've been at this writing thing
all year. I'm not always happy with what I post--and I've
only missed one day (completely), but to date I have
386 pieces logged for this year. And since the goal
was 365 (one-a-day-for-a-year), I'm technically done, 
right? Except the deal isn't in the numbers, but the
dailiness of it all. Can you get up and make yourself
write something--anything--everyday? I mean, I'm a 
writer for godsake. I should be able to think of something
worth putting on the screen, in my journal. 

Oh, snap! I think I've told you before, but none of these 
pieces are in a journal anywhere--which is very weird to me
since I used to worry about people finding my journals
with my guts sprayed all over them, and how my
legacy would be ruined when they discovered my
dark and brooding life. But this year, much of that
life has been on display in these words and on this blog
and in the commitment to write every day. 

I know you'll understand when I say: there have been days 
when I've cursed the day I made the decision to write
and when I told you that I would. Because of course,
the day I told you that I would write, it became real.
I had to. I have to. Even when my mind is blank
or tired or just depressed because it's hard. But
I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

I could/maybe even should just post Love Notes
to my lover or gratitude/thank you notes for myself.
But some days, I don't feel any of that. I just
feel broken. Or bruised. Or needy. And God, I
hate to feel needy! But you know that, too.

From here, we have 27 days to go. We have 
WomanPreach and Christmas, you have Red Stories
and plans to negotiate--the how and the what of daily
living. And we have each other and 
the knowledge that we're both writing. 
Because we said we would. 
And we're keeping the
promise to each other. 

I think I wrote all these words in gratitude, 
to say 'thank you.' So, thank you. 
And keep writing. Word.

© Valerie Bridgeman
December 4, 2013