OBSERVATION

OBSERVATION: If you open doors for someone, they often will walk through them and act as if they opened that door all by themselves; as if they would have gotten to those relationships and that person and that institution and that status with no help from you. They may very well be right about that. Except, they DIDN'T get there without you. Often when you point this out to the ungrateful, they become defensive and say things like: "you just want to take credit for my success," or "I don't know what you want from me" or "God would have done this for me without you" or "why YOU NEED to be recognized all the time," etc. It's a form of deflecting or redirecting that does not account for their own thoughtlessness and ingratitude, or for the fact that they were using you all along and never were appreciative of the fact that you leveraged your relationships to help them. And sometimes, they cultivate a relationship with the people to whom you introduced them in a way to make sure you're cut out of the loop. So, those two people become "best of friends" after you've introduced them and both act as if something is wrong with you for wanting an explanation for their disloyalty toward you.

As it turns out, I'm no saint and certainly have my flaws. Unfortunately (word deliberately chosen), being petty isn't one of them as I continue to do the work of bridge-building even when I know I'm being used. And yes. I would be "human" thus the desire to hear that it mattered to you that I leveraged my influence to help you. And when you're telling that story within my earshot and I hear you call the names of lesser players and not mine, yes, I feel salty (human). And when you make it sound like you dropped onto the planet fully formed and my time invested in you had nothing to do with it, I just look at you like you did... just drop onto this planet... what the what???? 

But I learned not to tell my story without calling the names of my Elders and Ancestors and friends and family along the way who helped get me here and continue to help me. None of us is self-sufficient. We came by way of community and community leaders. All of us. You too... whether you own it or not.

You're SO VAIN, I'm SURE you think this post is about you.

© Valerie Bridgeman
June 7, 2013