MEAN

Patti says you're not mean
just wounded, and lash out
like wounded animals do, 
that you do not mean
this cruelty, that you claw
scratch, bite, rabid
unable to be comforted by 
the hand that fed
you love, respect, joy
that you don't mean
to be unforgiving
this is what happens
when you hurt, she says
the fact that you have to 
resent me, are bugged... whatever
in order to spoon me out of your heart
is self-preservation
Patti says I shouldn't continue
to let it hurt, that I should just
step away and let my heart heal
as if stepping away were easy
or simple, like walking or
riding a bike
She says I take too much
responsibility for something that
is all our work, that I am too
quick to point fingers
at me and lay nothing
at your feet or anyone
else's; she says I'm
doing violence to myself
because of it
Patti asks me again
what sober looks
like and I confess
I don't know, that
loss is without breath
that I struggle to be
alive, and this emotional
response just makes
you hate me more
or resist me
or resent me,
either one it means
you are mean
toward me
and laugh
when I point
it out 

which is ... mean.

© Valerie Bridgeman
June 8, 2013