DEAR RACHEL JEANTEL

Dear Rachel (Jeantel),

I said I wouldn't watch this trial because I knew it would trigger me. And, honestly, until I saw you and heard the condescending tone in the voice of the Prosecutor, who put you on the stand to tell Trayvon's side of the story, I wasn't. But I looked at you. Stared, even. I saw the combative bravada of a very scared young woman. A beautiful, dark-skinned, big woman-child. This trial comes in the same time that Oprah Winfrey's Network is running a documentary called "Dark Girls." And so your presence is a living example of the living examples in the documentary. I've been sick reading twitter and Facebook, listening to people call you all manner of things that denigrate and diminish your very self. The mother in me wants to take you in my arms and rock you. The big sister in me wants to start a fight on your behalf and take out anyone that talks badly about you. I am ashamed of some black folk right now. I admit, I expect it from some white ones. And that's a shame right there. I just really want you to know that you're not alone out here. Several of us: Brittney, Emerson, Jaha, Leslie, Guy, James, Earle, me and so, so many others are fighting back the maliciousness.

I have resisted making up a story about you, storyteller that I am. I heard your broken English and thought I heard a hint of something else. Later I learned it was Patois and Spanish accents underneath your attempt to represent yourself so well in a foreign arena. I am proud to know that you are tri-lingual, even if you were apparently socially promoted in an educational system that does not value teaching you, or that you suffer from a learning ability--I don't know which. But hours of being on the stand, you managed to withstand the badgering. I admire you for it. You displayed a strength that some of those criticizing you for not being "their kind of black" have not displayed. I don't know that I would be able to be as brave, as strong as you've been these two days. I find I admire you as I do think of all the obstacles you've faced to be in this world. 

And now, you're the "star" witness in a drama you never wanted a part. I imagine you are still grieving, traumatized by Trayvon's last screams and last words, that they intrude your dreams, making their way into nightmares. I don't know, but I imagine. I wonder if your mind races, if you think "if only" and "If I could have" thoughts. I wasn't there, talking with my friend off and on, and I think these things.

Rachel, I hope the attempts to discredit you won't seep into your soul. I pray for you these days. I hope you will grieve and be able to move on. This time is hard. I don't ever mean to minimize that. It's hard. And you're being put under more and more pressure. But you are beautiful under this pressure. I pray you will not break under it. See how I'm praying? I'm praying that no matter what anyone says, you will come out with your humanity in tact, your dignity in hand, and your soul at peace. 

I continue to pray and beat back the maliciousness.
I am in it with you. All the way,

Valerie

© Valerie Bridgeman
June 27, 2013