ON GRIEF

MY TAKE ON GRIEF THIS MORNING

Job 2:11-13 (NIV)
11 When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite,(A) Bildad the Shuhite(B) and Zophar the Naamathite heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. 12 When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.


I really do think that the best thing the biblical character Job's friends ever did for him was sit with him in silence for seven days and nights. The MINUTE they started pontificating on why he was suffering, on how he should conduct himself in it, on whether the spiritual dimensions of his pain were being accounted for, they added to his grief and sorrow. 

We often do not know how to be with one another in grief. We can't stand how it makes us feel to see someone we love in pain. So we hand them a tissue and ask them to stop crying. We tell them that 1) they just don't trust God enough; 2) that they "MUST" have done SOMETHING to deserve it; 3) that there are other people with much bigger problems than them, so they should get over it; 4) that they can get another (whatever "another" is) and so they shouldn't act as if the loss was 'all that'; 5) they take it personally that if you're grieving you must not value your relationship with them; 6) they decide that you're grieving too much because they wouldn't be grieving over the thing you're grieving (especially applies to loss of pets, loss of love relationships, loss of friendships). And we often have no appreciation for the cumulative impact of multiple griefs. 

I don't know what else to say about any of that except... yeah...

© Valerie Bridgeman

March 14, 2013