HOME

Several times in the past few months I've said I am among the "hidden homeless," i.e., those people who do not have their own place, their own address. I sleep on a "borrowed" bed or couch. When I say this about myself (homeless), my friends and family get visibly upset and sometimes angry. "You're NOT homeless," they insist. "You ALWAYS have a place to stay." But that's the point: a "place to stay" is not the same thing as a place that is "home," where you LIVE. Graduating college students who finish but can't find a job experience these emotions when they move back with their parents. Siblings who lose their jobs and need to regroup experience it. I brought this moment upon myself. I'm not complaining in the true sense of that word. But in the brief time that I've been a part of this population, I've paid attention to how people treat you when you don't seem particularly independent. I mean, we claim we believe in interdependence, but when we have to live it--culturally--it doesn't jibe with the American narrative. Really, I've had people live with me for as long as I've had space. I don't remember looking at any of them with pity, but I might be rewriting history. It's hard sometimes to remember if you've been less than stellar in a relationship. But I honestly think I saw the reciprocity in those relationships. For example, once a whole family moved in with my family and they cooked, cleaned, repaired broken appliances, straightened the garage, and fixed the cars. We couldn't have PAID for live-in maids, butlers, babysitters. We didn't require these services; they offered them--actually, they just did it without asking permission. Reciprocity. In my current situation, most everyone is actually glad when I'm around. I start cleaning kitchens without even thinking about it. The same thing with bathrooms... I cook and run errands. If I can't have a "home," I can at least help the persons with whom I might be staying care for their home. In that way, I feel always "home," even if I am a part of that governmental statistic--the hidden homeless.