DEAR JAHA (ON COUNTING THE DAYS)

Dear Jaha,

We are less than 100 days away from our faithful
to ourselves, to each other, to the words
in story, in poem, in tears--
almost there after all the times of 
"are we there yet" irritation that 
what we want to fall out of our sky 
comes down like a thud to the earth;
not at all as pretty as we'd hoped

But there they are--words on screen, on page.
(Did I tell you: I rarely write in my journal
anymore; I go straight for the computer.
Now I think, in this moment, "I should write
all these words down in my journal somewhere.
I mean, what if noone can ever find my passwords
and the secrets that I've locked up against my
own hopes").

Some days, when I sit to write, I wonder
what you will say at the end of the day.
You people watch better than me.
Truth is, I don't even go outside some days,
so I'm the only person to watch--and that
can be scary or boring, depending on
how much of my heart peeks from behind
the curtains drawn tight and dark.

In any event, here we are in October.
I was so full of hope that something
profound would pour from me in these days.
Most times, I'm just glad I remember
to keep the commitment, that keeping
the words comings is all I can muster.
I gave up on rhythm or rhyming in July,
I think. I think it was July. I know I gave
up on it, probably about the time I quit
believing this one relationship that I had
would mend. It turns out that I'm
a pessimist and a nihilist--and I'm
pretty sure that's a deadly combination,
but I keep writing anyway. 

I wonder what you're thinking as you
read these words? Whether you think of
me writing when you sit to write some
days. I've been thinking of touring lately--
I mean really touring. Taking to the stage
and storming the world with stories
and poems and my heart full of love
and the sorrow and joy that comes
with it. What do you think of that?

Anyway--I just wanted to acknowledge:
we've come this far and written way more than
a poem a day; we've told stories and talked
on the phone and laughed at the craziest
things and held each other's sanity
and cried, too. Thank you.
In less than 100 days, we will have
made it. I'm counting down.
And will have a bottle
of merlot just for you.

In Hope
In Sisterhood
Valerie

© Valerie Bridgeman
October 7, 2013