DEAR SYBRINA FULTON

Dear Sybrina (Fulton),

I am thinking of you today. I wonder how your heart is? You've been called into an historic moment that no one would want. 

I, too, am the mother of sons. I don't know what kind of boy Trayvon was.  But his friend Rachel said he loved his mother very much. It made me smile as my heart aches for you--partly because it reminded me of days when my sons lay across my bed regaling me with stories from their day. Or times they talked sports with me, always ending with a hug and a wet kiss on my face. That's what I thought of when Rachel said, "Trayvon really loved his mother." I thought: he was a mama's boy. And if that's true, then I can only imagine the grief that comes with his absence. 

I have not had either of my sons die. But I remember nights when they were just out being "boys" and didn't come home on time. Terror gripped me every time. I never went to bed until I knew they were safe. The only exception was when I was out of town and they were in the care of their father or trusted friends. But "safe" is always a moveable negotiation for black boys. We know that too well... and certainly you know it better than me. 

I am rambling, but mostly because I just want to touch you and let you know you're not alone. I don't pretend to know how to comfort you. But I hope all the outpouring of support and all the outrage that mirrors or mimics your own helps. I hope. If it only leaves you empty, that too will be alright. You must grieve in your own way and our collective need for your public grief is our own trauma to manage. I hope you trust me when I say you owe us nothing. We, this society, that man, systemic racism has already taken your prince. And while you are gracious and are giving us a foundation, your dignity, your quiet grace, your abiding faith, your firm resolve, I want you to know that I know that it is an abundant gift that you do not owe us. 

In the meantime, I and so many others pray for you, for Tracy, for Trayvon's brothers and all the family we don't know and friends we wish we were. God sustain you in this season. Be gentle with yourself. Be as kind to you as you are to us.

With deep Honor,
Valerie

© Valerie Bridgeman
July 17, 2013