LEAVING WELL

Leave well, she says

means that "people may remember

how you came but they'll

never forget how you leave"

I stand on the brink of leaving

and know that "well" is in the eye 

of the beholder, that people judge

choices they would not make

in the midst of storm

and angst, that sometimes

people define "leaving well"

as slinking away into the night

silent, leaving the story of it

to the spinsters

but I decided that Audre Lorde was right:

Your silence will not protect you

people will believe ill and mark

your intentions in nasty ways

accuse you of bad behavior

bad motives and actions you never took

tell the truth, my inner voice

demands of me, tell the truth

and do not weigh the consequences

of controversy and tension that

make people uneasy, make them defensive

truth telling always stirs up

gunk from the bottom

and saying the emperor has no clothes

won't get you an award for observation skills

it will only get you scape-goated

it will only make people circle the wagons

and suddenly, you who've endured

hostility for years, are called the hostile one

but "regrets" are luxuries we can't afford

and leaving is necessary medicine

I wait on reparative love

messy chocolate kisses

hands dirty from mud pies

stories that never end

I wait for the brewing 'next'

with no regrets for what was or what will be

I've learned Oriah Mountain Dreamer's lesson:
to be faithless to someone else's version of me, 
in order to be faithful to myself

I'm going out in dignity and grace,
no matter how anyone  else interprets it, 
because saving one's life

is always a good leave-taking.

 © Valerie Bridgeman

May 18, 2013